Weight struggle

 My struggle with weight loss

 Hey guys, hope you're all having a wonderful Monday!  Over the weekend I filmed a video of Dominic playing outside and I caught a glimpse of myself in the video and I cringed; never have I felt so defeated but also so motivated.  I have been struggling with my weight for a few years now, especially since I had to have one of my ovaries removed.  After I had the surgery I quickly gained around 20-30 lbs and it's been so hard to lose.  Obviously as we get older our metabolism slows down and yea basically getting older sucks, haha!

 After my surgery I felt so insecure and it really affected my life.  Nothing seemed to fit anymore and the clothes that did fit were uncomfortable and showed everything that I wanted to hide.  So I hid; behind closed doors, big t-shirts, and sweatpants.  I felt more depressed since I was so unhappy with myself and then I would eat to make myself feel better which only made me feel worse, I was stuck in an endless cycle.  I just kept getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger and it's hard to enjoy life when you aren't happy with yourself.

It wasn't the weight that made me sad it was the fact that I wasn't comfortable and felt trapped in my own body.  I would never bash anyone's weight, I think that all sizes are beautiful as long as you're happy.  I'm really trying to make better choices for both me and my son.  I want him to be healthy and I want to be the best possible mom I can be for him.

I never struggled with my weight back in High School or even in my early 20s and then when I got pregnant with my son I gained around 50 lbs.  My job was in customer service so I just sat around for 9 hours and then when I got home sat around some more because most of the day I got yelled at by customers and I was just mentally drained.  Being a single mom I don't have much extra money to buy a gym membership so I'm really trying to do workouts at home but I'm terrible at staying consistent and motivated.  I'm also guilty of stress eating and I'm terribly picky but I'm trying to make healthier choices and eat smaller portions.  Let's be real life is too short to give up eating pizza and ice cream but my goal is to find a balance.

2003 (High School)

2013-- pale me after realizing how important skincare and SPF is!

2014 (around 2 months after my surgery)

 2015

2016

I need to stop hating myself and learn to start loving myself again and to do that I need to do things that make me happy.  I am so used to being mom 24/7 that I don't even know how to wind down and relax anymore.  I don't take any time for myself and I realize that's part of my problem.  I can't be a great mom to Dominic if I'm not happy and healthy; not just physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Those who suffer from depression and anxiety, like me, know that sometimes you just need to be alone to recharge and I think I'm running on empty because I feel drained, in every sense of the word.  My goal is to eat healthier, find ways to workout, and take time for myself!

Thanks for reading and please don't forget to follow me!

p.s. Do something nice for yourself today 😍