Wednesday, February 13, 2019

The New Normal


My new normal started the day I lost my mom.  I had to accept this new life without the most important person in it.  Let me tell you, you don't realize how much a person does for you until they are gone and you are left to pick up the pieces.

11th grade, I should have been choosing a college but instead I was being asked to make an impossible decision, if I wanted my mom to pass away at home or at Hospice and then I was having to choose a headstone.  College was literally the last thing on my mind, I wasn't a normal high school girl anymore and would never be the same person.

There are so many things I never got to say to my mom and I can only hope that she knew.  I'm sorry I was so naive and optimistic that I thought God would heal you just because I asked Him to.  I wish I had spent more time with you but it was so hard watching the light and life slowly fade from your eyes.  No words can express the helplessness one feels as they watch a loved one in pain and know there is nothing they can do to take it away.  

Time doesn't heal all wounds, you just learn to live with the scars.  The smile that people see everyday took awhile to be genuine again after losing her,  it was fake and forced to cover the pain I had buried so deep down.  

Everyone would say "she's in a better place" and "at least she's no longer in pain" but all I could think was she isn't in a better place because she's not with me and I wish she wasn't in pain to begin with.  I wish such a beautiful soul wasn't taken away from me when I still had so much to learn from her, so much I wanted to know.

My mom has been on my mind a lot lately since this April will be 15 years since her passing.  It's so strange because in some ways it doesn't feel like it's been that long, but at the same time it feels like it's been forever without her.

She was the most selfless person I have every met, always putting my sister and I first.  In her final days all she could worry about is if her family would be ok without her.  She was the glue that held our family together and I tried so hard to take her place but most days I feel like I'm failing.

My worst fear is forgetting her.  Her kind eyes and one of a kind laughter that could cheer anyone up. Sometimes she could be a little much, but it's only because she wanted what was best for us and now being a mother myself I can understand.

Whenever I think I'm forgetting her I just look at myself in the mirror and I see her.  She never really left me, I carry her in my heart everyday.

I recently received the best compliment from a family member--- Thank you Leslie! This meant so much to me!

"When we came into Luna a couple of weeks ago and it was the first I had seen you and heard you speak ( probably since childhood) I was blown away...it was as if your mom was standing right there! You look like her you sound like her and your body language is just like her. She would be so proud of you! She was an amazing strong Christian women and what she always wanted most for you girls is to be strong, kind Christian women...I know you're making her very proud"

I know that she would want my family to be happy and to make the most out of the life that we were given.  She's watching over us and I just hope and pray we are making her proud.  <3





"Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person that I have become
Spread your wing
And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You're home"


Sunday, February 26, 2017

Skincare

Ladies and gentlemen, lets talk skincare.  How many of you think you properly care for your skin?  For so long I thought I took really good care of my skin...and then I went to school for esthetics and learned so much more about skincare.  Do you know you are born with your skin type, which is determined by your genetics and ethnicity.
There are 4 skin types:
  • Dry- lacks oil
  • Normal- has a good oil-water balance
  • Combination- can be both oily and dry, or both oily and normal at the same time
  • Oily- excess oil 
 Dry skin needs extra care.  It lacks normal protection and is more sensitive because the acid mantle and barrier function are not as healthy due to the lack of lipids.  Occlusive products are good for dry skin because they are thick and lay on top of the skin to reduce transepidermal water loss which helps to hold in moisture.
Normal skin can fluctuate and sometimes be a little drier or a little oilier.  Maintenance and preventive care are the goals for this skin type.  
Combination skin needs to be balanced and requires more care than normal skin.  Water based products work best for combination skin.  Proper maintenance including cleansing and regular exfoliation help to keep skin clear and blemishes minimal. 
Oily skin requires more cleansing and exfoliation.  Prone to blemishes because pores get clogged with oil and a build-up of dead skin cells.  Over cleansing can make it worse by stripping the skin's acid mantle and irritating it.  Proper treatment, exfoliation, and a water-based hydrator will help to keep oily skin clean and balanced.  Balancing the skin's oil production is important. 
 Sensitive skin is considered a skin condition, not a skin type.  It can be easily irritated by products and by exposure to heat or sun.  When it comes to sensitive skin the goal is to soothe, calm, and protect.
All skin types need proper cleansing, exfoliating, and hydrating.
No matter what skin type you have, a proper skin care regiment is so important.  Read more about the steps and the importance from Lydia, the found of Repechage.  Skin Care Routine

I have oily skin and I always thought I didn't have to moisturize because I already produced so much oil and I thought it was going to make it more oily.  What I didn't know is that by not using a moisturizer my skin was producing more oil.  I would strip all the oil away with harsh products and then my skin would go crazy producing more oil.  The most important thing with any skin type is to keep it balanced.  Habits, diet, and stress all play a part in our health, which in turn is reflected in our skins appearance.  I use Repechage Hydra Medic products and I absolutely love them, the mattifying moisturizer helps to keep my oil controlled throughout the day and the cleanser gives me a nice clean feeling without causing my skin to feel dry and tight.  You can get your Repechage products at Bienvenue Salon and Spa


Some of the most important skin care tips I've learned:
  • Sunscreen is your friend, use it!
  • Always wash makeup off before bed
  • Exfoliate 1-2 times a week
  • Skin is your largest organ, take care of it
  • Stop laying out in the sun or tanning bed, if you want to be tan get a spray tan or use self tanner.  (I love Loving Tan)
  • Moisturize!




Pinterest

Lydia’s Advice for the Most Asked Skin Care Questions- Repechage

If you have any skin care questions just shoot me a message and I'd be happy to help!
Thanks for reading and don't forget to protect your skin :)

Friday, February 24, 2017

The Lake House

With spring and summer soon approaching I'm thinking of all the vacations I'd like to take...well maybe not this year but hopefully one day.  Dominic's dream is to one day go to Disney World and Legoland and I can't lie I would love to also since I've never been, I'm almost 30 and have never been on a plane!   Dominic also really loves animals so I want to take him to the National Aquarium in Baltimore and also a museum with dinosaur fossils.

This fall we rented a lake house at Treasure Lake and it was absolutely gorgeous, the weather was just perfect.  We were visiting my Great Aunt and we had lots of fun adventures, we went horseback riding, saw some elk at Elk Country, saw some really cool Halloween decorations at a house where my Grandma and Great Aunt Jeanne lived at when they were kids, and went to The Depot and ate at the Diner Car which is a 50s style diner.  I'm really hoping we can make it back again this summer, if you're looking for a place to rent around that area you definitely need to check out Overton Rentals!







  Diner Car



 
What fun things are you all doing this summer?

Lake House Rental



Thanks for reading and I hope you're all having a terrific day! <3

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Spring & Summer 2017 Trends

Ladies, if you love online shopping and browsing online as much as I do I'm sure you noticed some of the spring and summer trends. Since my last few posts have been personal and a little depressing I'm going to spice it up a bit and talk about some of my favorite trends.  If you've done any shopping I'm sure you've noticed lots of floral patterns and off the shoulder tops and dresses.  I have loved off the shoulder tops ever since I can remember, I think they are so feminine and show off just the right amount of skin.  Unfortunately, I have manly broad shoulders but that doesn't stop me from wearing them.

I love shopping online and pinning everything I want to buy but can't, am I the only one that does that? (haha).  Here are some of my favorites!

off-the-shoulder floral top



 floral print blouse


floral cardigan

open shoulder blouse

Check out my pinterest for more ideas!

Thanks for reading and don't forget to follow me <3

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Instagram
Pinterest

Monday, February 20, 2017

Weight struggle


 My struggle with weight loss


 Hey guys, hope you're all having a wonderful Monday!  Over the weekend I filmed a video of Dominic playing outside and I caught a glimpse of myself in the video and I cringed; never have I felt so defeated but also so motivated.  I have been struggling with my weight for a few years now, especially since I had to have one of my ovaries removed.  After I had the surgery I quickly gained around 20-30 lbs and it's been so hard to lose.  Obviously as we get older our metabolism slows down and yea basically getting older sucks, haha!

 After my surgery I felt so insecure and it really affected my life.  Nothing seemed to fit anymore and the clothes that did fit were uncomfortable and showed everything that I wanted to hide.  So I hid; behind closed doors, big t-shirts, and sweatpants.  I felt more depressed since I was so unhappy with myself and then I would eat to make myself feel better which only made me feel worse, I was stuck in an endless cycle.  I just kept getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger and it's hard to enjoy life when you aren't happy with yourself.

It wasn't the weight that made me sad it was the fact that I wasn't comfortable and felt trapped in my own body.  I would never bash anyone's weight, I think that all sizes are beautiful as long as you're happy.  I'm really trying to make better choices for both me and my son.  I want him to be healthy and I want to be the best possible mom I can be for him.

I never struggled with my weight back in High School or even in my early 20s and then when I got pregnant with my son I gained around 50 lbs.  My job was in customer service so I just sat around for 9 hours and then when I got home sat around some more because most of the day I got yelled at by customers and I was just mentally drained.  Being a single mom I don't have much extra money to buy a gym membership so I'm really trying to do workouts at home but I'm terrible at staying consistent and motivated.  I'm also guilty of stress eating and I'm terribly picky but I'm trying to make healthier choices and eat smaller portions.  Let's be real life is too short to give up eating pizza and ice cream but my goal is to find a balance.

2003 (High School)



2013-- pale me after realizing how important skincare and SPF is!



2014 (around 2 months after my surgery)


 2015

2016











I need to stop hating myself and learn to start loving myself again and to do that I need to do things that make me happy.  I am so used to being mom 24/7 that I don't even know how to wind down and relax anymore.  I don't take any time for myself and I realize that's part of my problem.  I can't be a great mom to Dominic if I'm not happy and healthy; not just physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Those who suffer from depression and anxiety, like me, know that sometimes you just need to be alone to recharge and I think I'm running on empty because I feel drained, in every sense of the word.  My goal is to eat healthier, find ways to workout, and take time for myself!

Thanks for reading and please don't forget to follow me!

p.s. Do something nice for yourself today 😍


Saturday, February 18, 2017

Finally feels like Spring!

Happy weekend!  It's been so cold here in PA and we are finally having some warmer weather (60s) and I'm not sure how long it will last so we are taking full advantage!  I took my son and dog out to my Pap Pap's farm to burn off some energy and boy did that tire them out.  Of course Bronx found a way to get himself dirty by playing in the mud and pond so after we got home it was bath time for him and not long after both boys had fallen asleep on the couch!  It was so windy at the farm and I wish I had brought along a kite--oh well, next time.  I hope you all had a chance to enjoy this beautiful weather too. <3


I love that Bronx follows Dom wherever he goes!


If anyone has any blog suggestions or makeup requests please let me know.





Thanks for reading and I hope you all had a wonderful day! <3